If you've ever felt frustrated that someone didn't get the point, didn't see what you're trying to tell them, no matter how much you're trying to help them, you need to use The Empathy Edge
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But don't they get it? Don't they see what I'm trying to tell them? Well, no, they don't. And I will explain why and how to change that. Welcome to Sales for Nice People, the data podcast for ethical entrepreneurs who want to sell more of their work without having to be scuzzy, sleazy or pushy about it. This is episode 44. I am Martin Steller. I help nice people sell more. And whenever you are trying to have a conversation with someone, whether that is a buyer or your child or your spouse or a collaborator and employee, your boss, and they're not getting what you're trying to say, when you're getting pushback, when they are arguing against your sound logical reasoning, in most cases, the reason is because you're making it about yourself. This sounds harsh, but work with me for a moment here. Because very often, when we are trying to get a point across, when we are trying to get the other person to see our point of view, we are being self-centered. We are being self-involved because here, look, I am trying to reason with you. I have this point of view that I want you to see. It is more correct and it is more important than your point of view. So if only you would wiseen up and get my point of view, then the whole world would be better and you would get what you want. Now, when that is how you communicate with people, which probably almost everybody does a lot of the time, the only result that you're going to get is people pushing back. You're going to get what psychologists call reactants. Because when you try to tell somebody else that your point of view is right, then automatically, their point of view is wrong. And nobody likes to be made wrong. So instead of trying to convince and persuade harder and argue more and have better logical sound, reasonable arguments, step back, stop trying to get the other person to see your point of view and try to deploy strategic empathy, which means making it about the other person and trying to figure out what the world is like for them. Because here in their world, they have their own reason for seeing things the way they see them. They, on their side, believe that the way they see the world is correct and is right. And no matter how logical or correct your vision is and how compelling or convincing your argumentation, they are not going to want to see that until you see them. So when you want to get ahead with people, when you want to move things forward, when you want to get results, when you want to enroll a buyer, don't try and argue and persuade. Instead, what you want to do is apply what I call the empathy edge. It consists of five questions. What are their three main fears? What is the one frustration that those fears add up to? What are the three things that they want? And what is the one aspiration that those three wants add up to? And then finally, the big one, who are they looking to become? What next version of themselves would they like to acquire by sticking with their point of view? Once you figure out the answer to those five questions, you will now have a really good understanding of this other person's situation and worldview and that will enable you to communicate with them in a way that has them gradually adopt your way of seeing things and then hopefully they will actually adopt your good idea for them. So instead of trying to persuade and reason and logic, make it about them, deploy the empathy edge. It'll make a big difference to everything that you want to achieve with anyone in your life. This is episode 44 of Sales for Nice People. If you want to get a short daily email, go to martinsteller.com/nicepeople.
