Host: Philip Brown, Founder of The Negotiation Club
Guest: Michael Phillips, Negotiation Trainer and Author
“A person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie
Episode Overview:
In Episode 3 of The Negotiation Club Podcast, Philip Brown had the pleasure of discussing with Mike Phillips the profound impact of using people's names in negotiations. While it may seem like a small detail, the appropriate and skilful use of names can significantly influence the outcome of negotiations. As Mike rightly pointed out, the success of negotiations often hinges on the relationship you build with the other party, and using their name is a simple yet powerful tool to foster that connection.
The Significance of Using Names in Negotiations
Using someone's name in conversation can make them feel acknowledged, respected, and valued. It personalises the interaction and builds rapport, which is essential in negotiation. However, as straightforward as it sounds, there are several pitfalls and nuances to consider.
Potential Pitfalls and Their Implications
1. Not Using Names at All:
If you neglect to use the other party's name, you miss an opportunity to create a personal connection. This can make the interaction feel impersonal and transactional, which may hinder trust and openness.
2. Overusing Names:
On the flip side, using someone's name excessively can come across as insincere or even manipulative. It can make the other party uncomfortable and disrupt the natural flow of conversation.
3. Mispronouncing Names:
Pronouncing someone's name incorrectly can be perceived as a sign of disrespect or carelessness. It’s crucial to make the effort to get it right, as it shows that you value the individual enough to learn their name properly.
4. Unwanted Nicknames:
Shortening or altering someone's name without their permission can be offensive. Always use the form of their name that they introduce themselves with unless they specify otherwise.
Practicing the Skill
Given the importance of using names correctly, it’s essential to practice this skill. Here are some suggestions for practicing effectively:
1. Active Listening:
Pay close attention when someone introduces themselves. Repeat their name in your mind to help with retention.
2. Subtle Repetition:
Use the person’s name a few times during the conversation in a natural way. For example, start by greeting them by name, then use it once or twice more during key points in the discussion.
3. Correct Pronunciation:
If you're unsure how to pronounce a name, ask for clarification and practice until you get it right. People appreciate the effort.
4. Feedback Loop:
Engage in role-playing exercises where you practice using names in various scenarios. Partner with a friend or a colleague and provide feedback to each other.
5. Make a List
When there is a larger group of people in a meetings draw a diagram of the room or table and list the names of each person so you know exactly who's name to use.
5. Join The Negotiation Club:
Our club offers an excellent environment to practice these skills. Engage with fellow members in mock negotiations where the use of names is a focal point.
To all our listeners and club members, mastering the use of names in negotiation is a simple yet highly effective skill that can dramatically improve your negotiation outcomes. Practice diligently, pay attention to the nuances, and don’t shy away from seeking feedback.
And remember, if you want to become an expert in hearing your name in the most flattering and hilarious ways, join The Negotiation Club today! Who knows, you might even hear your name sung in a jingle or used in a Shakespearean monologue. Come practice with us and make every negotiation a personal success!
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Happy negotiating!
Welcome to the Negotiation Club Podcast with Philip Brown. The Negotiation Club is the only community focused solely on enhancing your negotiation skills training through practice with others. Today on the podcast, we're talking to special guest Michael about why using someone's name is one of the most important things you can do in a business setting. Here's Philip and Michael. Hi and welcome back to the Negotiation Club Podcast. Now this is where we're going to be talking to other experts in the industry, the negotiation procurement sales, wherever it's going to be and actually find out some of those top tips, those techniques, those tactics that you can practice in your negotiations. And today we have Mike Phillips. Now Mike has over three decades, 30 years of experience in procurement negotiations as well. Mike, do you want to just add a little bit, explain a little bit about who you are and a little bit more information? Yes, good afternoon, Phil. So yes, I for 30 years now have run my own niche consulting business focusing on procurement negotiation. So I work with all sorts of organizations, everything from the NHS, local councils to international companies, mostly manufacturing, helping their supplies team negotiate better deals on everything that they might be buying. So everything from the stationery to the steel they might need to make their products. I always find it fascinating in negotiations in the sense that it's a skill but it just is a skill that you use across the board. You can develop it and what you learn in one industry is really effective in other industries as well. So I think it allows people to try and get experience across the board. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. That's something that comes up with me quite frequently because I might go and speak with a potential client and they'll say, what do you know about our specific industry? And whilst not wanting to be dismissive, but the fact is that negotiating skills are transferable. You've obviously got to understand a bit of the nuance of the specific situation you're in, of course, but that the negotiating is similar because we're all human. And to be honest, that's why I love the procurement role as well, procurement. I've often found that when you are in a, you know, in that kind of career, in a business, you get involved in every function, every facet of the business. It's a great way for somebody who's new into a career to get to understand the business. Go into procurement. You're in finance, HR, manufacturing, you know, you name it, you'll, you'll get involved in those areas. So definitely, definitely. Which of course, after three decades, I suspect you've also picked up a few hints and a few techniques which have worked well for you. Well, yes, absolutely. I mean, I think as you go through your career, you know, there's a little bit of trial and error. Of course, you come to know what works and what doesn't work. And so I think in particular, you and I have discussed that trying to make a connection with people is absolutely vital. So as I said earlier, we're all human, we respond in a human way. And if you want to get a great deal, you're going to struggle to get a great deal if the person across the table basically doesn't like you. Now on the, on one level, you know, you don't want to be kind of, you know, sycophantic and such like you've got to be assertive, but they've also got to kind of like well stroke respect you as well. And so in respect of like, it's a question of making that personal connection with them, using their name, having a little bit of time at the beginning to, you know, what did you do this weekend? You know, a little bit of that nice sort of introductory one and just bouldering in. But I do think this use of, and I say this to people when I do negotiating training, it's not only when you meet, it's with you, write an email, if you all the, use people's names, because when people, when someone says your name, there's an immediate connection, you hear it, and it really makes a difference. And actually this is the bit that I wanted to pick up on, because the reason for asking to have a chat with you is that I saw a post on LinkedIn from you several weeks ago. And it literally said, use a person's name. Now what I love about that is the simplicity of it that allows us to try it, to practice it, and to see what actually happens. We had Tobias, who's a student at the beginning on our first podcast, actually, and he talked about the relationships and the importance of relationships, and you seem to be emphasizing the thing as well. So tell me, tell our audience really about the use of names in a negotiation. How would you go about that? What's your advice on that? Well, I think Phil is, it's got to feel natural, hasn't it, that's important. And so I think maybe there's a case there for a bit of practice, you could, and I was actually, if it's a really important negotiation, I do encourage people to practice the negotiation with a colleague maybe, or a friend, so you get used to it. So if this is something that you're not, you don't habitually do use people's names. I really encourage you to get into the habit, because then if you get into the habit of doing that in the social situation or whatever, then when you come into a negotiation, it will feel more natural. So there's no real magic form, other than remembering that you're dealing with someone across the table who's a person who will go home this evening and have dinner with their family and what have the normal problems that everyone has. And so you're remembering that this is a person you're dealing with. So that's the importance of using the name. And it's also a case of, it's about making a connection. So another way to sort of expand the thought, you're making a connection by using someone's name. Also, notice how they speak, how they present themselves in terms of the style. So for example, if the person is very business-like and number-oriented, then that's the way you need to respond, mirror what they're doing as well. And this is all about, even speak the way they speak, obviously they copy their accent. So speaking the way they speak, and this is all building upon, they've got to come out of the meeting feeling that they've had a proper conversation that the person on the other side of the table has listened to them and has connected with them. So using a name is part of that responsibility. And by the way, if you want to experiment, try going into a meeting that's important and don't use anyone's name at all and see what difference you get. Yeah, there's almost a benchmark you can do there as well. I mean, and again, this is why I love the practice negotiations that we do at the club, which is a case of try it this way, try it that way. So I'm going to get our club members in the next couple of meetings. Not, not tell all of them this is going to happen, but just tell one or two of them. Just say, do not use their name or really use their name and just see how the observers actually find as well, because it is really about seeing it occurring. You learn from it. Now, there's a couple of things that we'll probably suggest with that. And a few things I've learned as well, you know, we just jumped on to this meeting. First thing I said to you is, you know, is it Mike or Michael, you know, and it was just clarify, you know, because, you know, I've got Phil or Philip and some people do have a preference. I tell you why I got into some real trouble. I sent an email to a gentleman whose name was Jonathan, and I put hi, John, and he just give me the most horrendous email back, you know, how dare you reduce what I thought. Okay, there's a lesson there for me as well, not just in when you're speaking to somebody, but just don't assume anything, even in your emails, who's just, you know, find out, you know, is it John or Jonathan, you know, is it Michael, is it Michael, you know, is it Phil or Phil? I mean, that's a key point, Phil, because you're rightly making assumptions. Now, you asked me whether it was Michael and I said, oh, you know, it doesn't really matter. So I'm relaxed about that. That's me. But as you say, other people are not. And so, yeah, really important point, you know, I guess the other thing as well is pronunciation. We have such a global world now that we have a lot of individual names, which are, I personally find very difficult to pronounce. So I always try and check, I literally always just say, oh, is this the correct way of saying it? You know, I will often get corrected by that person. That's fine. And I'll often apologize. I said, I'm really sorry if I butcher your name. I'm not doing on purpose, I just, you know, just deliver me. So even the use of a person's names comes with some pitfalls and some mandatory checks, I would say, you know, in your negotiations, in your meetings. Yeah, Phil, but you make a good point. If you get it right, if you take the time, particularly on the pronunciation of the name is really good, because people, that again, is making connection, you bothered to check that is pronounced right. And if you hadn't bothered and you went through the whole meeting frequently using the name and pronouncing it wrong, you're going to have the opposite effect to what you wanted. They're just going to be internally rolling their eyes. And every time you use their name, it's going to rotate. Yeah, exactly. They're only thinking about that. You can be guaranteed. Somebody sat there thinking, he's not getting my name right, he's not getting my name right. I thought we were going to think about it. So it is such a small thing, but it's also such an important thing to understand in any negotiation, any engagement. Yeah. Yeah, because as I said, we're humans, we're not robots, we're emotional creatures. And even when we're in a business meeting, we feel like we've got our emotions under control. We're still emotional people. So yeah, that sort of thing, using the name well will be a big positive, but using it badly would be a negative. And there's a tip. And I mean, again, I don't know whether you've done this, but often when I'm in a room and there's quite a number of people, I'll often get on a piece of paper and I'll draw the table that I'm sat around and I'll put little crosses and there's people introducing them. I write their names to it. And then what I'm really trying to do that, because I can't remember people's names, but if I've got it written down, I know who they are, what their name is, and they might say who they are, what they do, you've got the information there and then you can literally go back to you. Oh, yeah. So John was just saying, and you can point to him, and you know what, what really catches people attention is when you know their name, when they're not expecting you to know their name, and that's a lovely little tip there as well, I would suggest. So just draw out the table when people do the introductions, write their names in, and just make reference to them by name. Yeah, I feel like I do exactly the same thing, exactly right, you know, because, again, you can go from a positive to a negative. If you say the wrong name, then that's going to be really bad. So that's a good point, actually, because, you know, when we get older, it's harder to retain people's names, so just write them down, so you're going to get it right. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure, and I think the other thing is when you're in those big meetings and you haven't got their name and you don't know what their name is, it actually makes it difficult to engage with those people as well, so, you know, there's a little tip there. So listen, look, Mike, first of all, Mike, Michael, absolutely brilliant to have on there, and what I just want to remind everybody who already is that we're not trying to change the world with massive tactics or tricks or techniques. It's just every negotiation has these micro moments and you can practice them and just getting a name and doing the name. So we're going to create a little negotiation card to practice with. I think it's, I think we'll call it name thy name or something, okay, and just have a little thing on there so we can practice it and see how it works, but Mike, any final parting words, maybe about this particular technique or anything else you might want to add? Well, I mean, I think, you know, we've covered it pretty well. I think it's important because we're human, you're not dealing with a robot across the other side. You know, we sometimes people get this idea that a great negotiator's got to be this tough bruiser when it's not really the case. I was kind of challenged myself when I'm involved in a big negotiation. I want to get to the point where we finally shake hands, I've got everything I wanted at in the negotiation, but we finally shake hands and the other party says, Mike, thank you for all your help. Then I know I've done a really good negotiation. Yeah, satisfaction, terminal and satisfaction. Right. So we're going to, we're going to say, but before we do, Mike, I just also want to highlight to everybody out there that Mike is actually an author. He has a book as well. Mike, tell us about your book. Yeah, so I recently wrote a book about negotiation. It uses a salary increase as a case study, but actually the principles involved will apply to any negotiation. And it's written in a narrative style, so it's like a short story, I hope and believe it's very entertaining, but full of great tips on negotiating. So it's called the naked negotiator. If you put that in Google, you'll find it. All right. Well, I might do one better than that. I'll put it in the link in the text for this as well. Listen, Mike, absolutely brilliant to have you on. And what I would say to everybody else is keep on practicing. Sometimes a little bit of practice will take you a long way. But if you do practice, you're doing something that most professionals never do. So make sure you do that. So other than that, goodbye everybody. See you. Bye. Bye. If you liked what you heard today, check out the negotiation clubs.com, where you can find professional development courses, join negotiation club communities, purchase negotiation practice cards, get a private consultation, and more. Until next time, thanks for joining us and happy negotiating. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING]
